As I’m sitting here not studying for finals and instead watching The Santa Clause, I can’t help but wonder two things: How does Tim Allen get away with murdering Santa without any punishment? And what would happen if we ate like Santa? It seems like an awesome diet. I mean, think about it… Who doesn’t love cookies and milk?
So naturally, my science-loving brain can’t help but research the facts behind this diet of his.
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According to Gap Minder’s most recent study in 2011, there are approximately 1.9 billion children in the world. If we look at The World Factbook’s average fertility rate per household, we can assume each household would have approximately two children, making it 950 million households for him to visit in one night. Seems impossible, but hey, it’s Santa. He can do anything.
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Let’s say Santa only eats ONE cookie at each house – that’s still 950 million cookies. According to MyFitnessPal, the typical nutritional info for a chocolate cookie is 130 calories and 7 grams of fat.
Personally, I probably consume around four cookies daily, totaling 520 calories and 28 grams of fat (no ragrets). But Santa, on the other hand, would be consuming a whopping total of 123.5 BILLION calories and 6.65 BILLION grams of fat.
There are 3500 calories in one pound, so in one night, he’d be gaining over 35 million pounds, solely from his caloric intake. If I factored the fat intake as well, who knows how many more pounds that will add? But I think you get the point.
Santa would need to go on a serious diet after this, so hopefully he gets something other than cookies. But if Santa happens to be vegan or gluten free, you can make him these cookies instead.
Photo by Stephanie Lee
If we look at the nutritional facts for one fluid ounce of 2 percent milk, we get 15 grams of calories and 1 gram of fat.
Let’s say Santa drinks one fluid ounce of 2 percent milk at each household, equalling 950 million fluid ounces of milk in one night, 14.25 billion calories and 950 million grams of fat. Once again, solely from his caloric intake, he’d be gaining more than 4 million pounds from just the milk.
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In one night, Santa will hit 950 million households worldwide, while gaining more than 39 million pounds, yet he never gains a single ounce. If that’s not enough proof that Santa is indeed magical, I’m not sure what is. On a body positivity note, Santa is round and proud; we all could learn a thing or two from him. But if he wants to avoid messing up his diet over the holidays, even on Christmas Eve, he should just follow one of these methods.